Darkman (1990)

Long before Sam Raimi became the creatively bankrupt Hollywood big shot some genre fans have grown to dislike, he was spilling his creativity onto the screen with some of the most inventive projects in cinema. Coming hot off the heels of “Evil Dead II” (1987), a film that garnered a positive response from both audiences and critics, Raimi was given the proverbial keys to the kingdom and called up to the majors (in this case, Universal Studios) to make a picture with something he frequently lacked: money. He had interest in helming adaptations of either “The Shadow” (which Universal already had in development with another team) or “Batman” (we know who had that at the time). Undeterred by these dead ends, Raimi did what creative directors do: he created a character that embodied the qualities he admired in The Shadow and Batman, but also one that would have been right at home with Universal’s classic monsters of the 1930s. His creation was The Darkman, a character whose origin story went through over a dozen drafts before “Darkman” (1990) was given a go from the studio brass. The resulting picture was Raimi operating within his wheelhouse, using his signature camera work and frenetic action to tell a gothic love story that, once again, was a hit with audiences and critics.

Dr. Peyton Westlake (Liam Neeson) is a scientist working on a synthetic skin to help burn victims, operating out of his lab near the river in L.A. His girlfriend, Julie (Francis McDormand), is an attorney who uncovers corruption within the city’s largest real estate developer, run by Louis Strack (Colin Friels), when she inadvertently finds a document detailing bribery. She confronts Strack, who does the rational thing by sending his henchman, Robert Durant (Larry Drake), and some thugs to retrieve the document and kill everyone in the vicinity. At the time, that happens to be Peyton and his lab partner. Durant has his goons disfigure Westlake before setting a time bomb and blasting his charred body into the river. Presumed dead, Peyton somehow survived the blast, with horrifying burns covering almost half his body. Doctors performed a procedure that neutralized any pain he could feel, but as a side effect it allows his adrenaline to go unchecked and his mental state to become unstable. Peyton escapes from the hospital and rebuilds his lab in an abandoned factory. The synthetic skin he’s been working on only lasts for 100 minutes in sunlight, but that’s all the time he needs (usually) to disguise himself as Durant and his toughs. He rechristens himself Darkman, dedicating all of his efforts to seeking vengeance against all those who were responsible for creating him.

Raimi came up with an awesome story that could only have worked in his hands. He and director of photography Bill Pope, frankly, shot the shit out of this thing. There hadn’t been a movie since “Creepshow” (1982) that so emulated and perfectly captured the essence of a comic book. Raimi’s work had always showcased impressive camera movements and acumen for visual style, but the massive increase in budget afforded to him on “Darkman” meant nearly any of his lofty ideas could be achieved. All of the crazy shots that made “Evil Dead II” so memorable are accounted for here. I love when Darkman goes into a fit of rage and we feel like we’re inside his mind as fiery cracks appear in his head, everything goes red, and the camera moves in a hypnotic/nauseating way. There’s so much life in the camera that cause scenes to pop and stick in your mind more than any standard direction could have done. The scene of Peyton’s attack is particularly impressive, with Neeson’s face smashed into glass cabinets as we watch from within. The camera swoops and zooms and pulls all around as he’s tossed, burned, nearly drowned, and finally blow sky high and into the river.

That scene also showed just a small indication of make-up artist Tony Garder’s excellent work to come, when Peyton grabs two poles that look like they belong in “Phantasm” (1979) and his hands melt away down to the muscle and bone. They did it the old-fashioned way: stop-motion. And it looks great. Gardner’s prosthetic work here should have earned him an Oscar nomination because it can be hard to tell where Darkman ends and Liam Neeson begins. For such a large piece worn over a head, the result is something so lifelike you’ll forget there’s a man underneath. The movement is about as fluid as a guy with no lips and a well-done face can get.

Speaking of which, Neeson really gives his all here as a once noble man who so desperately wants revenge because these guys ruined his chance at having just a normal life. That’s all he wanted. He has to live knowing he’s a hideous freak while his girlfriend is out there, alone, and he knows they can never be together. At its core, “Darkman” is just as much a love story as anything else. And to make that work, you need a guy who can do sympathetic and “I will find you and I will kill you”. And that guy is Liam Neeson. As Peyton, he’s jokey and casual, just happy to be alive and doing a little bit of good in the world. As Darkman, all of his inner rage comes bubbling to the surface like liquid hot magma and he has little control over the beast he’s become. Neeson portrayed the character with a genuine sincerity, giving him the ultimate tortured soul. He even went so far as to make sure the FX department had the teeth in tight so they wouldn’t move while he spoke, since it would compromise the authenticity. His performance is a standout in a film full of memorable roles.

Lots of credit needs to be given to Larry Drake, Nicholas Worth and Dan Bell, who are all “impersonated” by Darkman using his synthetic skin masks. I use quotations because these guys all do such a phenomenal job of playing their doppelgangers, who we’re supposed to believe are actually Peyton when he’s trying to trick the mob. Drake is especially good, showing two very different sides to Durant at the same time. I really love how Raimi used this as a plot device because it’s so damned fun watching Peyton use his skills to screw with everyone.

All these years later, “Darkman” holds up exceptionally well as one of the greatest comic book movies to ever hit the screen, and it’s not even based on one. Raimi was in his prime here, using all of his abilities to make the film not only memorable from a story standpoint, but just as unforgettable thanks to a wide range of visual flair. The excellent casting is anchored by strong performances from Neeson, McDormand, and Drake. Gardner’s makeup is outstanding is every scene. Elfman’s score is typical, but great if you forget all the stuff he did that sounds like it since. It’s superb. Since Universal doesn’t see it that way, though, Scream Factory has come along to deliver a package full of features that should please fans.

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

As an avid, lifelong slasher film fan it almost embarrasses me to say I’ve never fully watched “The Slumber Party Massacre” (1982). I can vaguely recall seeing bits & pieces of it (or one of its sequels) on USA’s Up All Night with Rhonda Shear sometime in the early ‘90s. Those viewings, however, were more than likely focused on spying whatever softcore T&A managed to evade network censors. There wasn’t a wealth of nudie content for a 12-year-old kid to peruse back in the pre-internet days. Once I got older and developed a cinematic taste, I (foolishly) looked at the film as what would likely be a low-budget throwaway slasher more interested in showing off boobs than anything else. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… Point being, the series was written off in my mind. And what a mistake that was because director Amy Jones’ debut is a riotous slice of trash cinema every horror fan should watch. It’s purposely full of every cliché in the book, playing more like a parody of early’80s slasher films than anything. And that’s because the script started as a parody. Only the filmmakers decided to shoot it straight without playing up the humorous elements, giving this film the unique distinction of playing up every aspect of slasher film fans wanted to see while at the same time riffing on it with deadpan direction.

As we learn via a newspaper headline seen during the opening, mass murderer Russ Thorn has escaped from a mental institution and is on the loose. Trish (Michelle Michaels), a high school senior on the basketball team, decides to throw a slumber party since her parents are going away for the weekend. All of the girls agree to come, except for Valerie (Robin Stille), the new girl, because Diane (Gina Hunter) is a stuck-up bitch. Trish’s parents left their neighbor, Mr. Contant (Rigg Kennedy), in charge of looking over the girls. Surely, with his watchful eye nothing bad will happen. But Russ Thorn has plans. Big, drill-killing plans; and it isn’t very long at all before girls are impaled by his two-foot power drill.

It’s hard to watch “The Slumber Party Massacre” and not immediately consider the obvious phallic implications here. Crazy Russ Thorn, who looks like he couldn’t get a date if he paid for it, runs wild like a madman sticking his massively oversized drill into any hot young co-ed unlucky enough to be in his vicinity. Freud would have a field day with this one. To be fair, Russ isn’t discriminatory when it comes to who gets the business end of his drill because more than a couple guys are subjected to brutal facial disfigurement. That poor pizza guy…

Rita Mae Brown’s script originally started life as “Don’t Open the Door”, a straight-up parody of all things slasher. What’s interesting about that is slashers were really in their prime at this time, so to have someone scripting a send-up was a bit novel. Most of the popular slasher parody films didn’t start hitting until a few years later. Although, her decision to riff on the teen slasher craze was probably due to the fact she was a feminist who had tired of seeing women in constant distress or undress. Director Amy Jones got her start in the business by coming across Brown’s script, noticing the original prologue had key scenes she could film for a demo. She shot the opening pages with only $1000 and went to Roger Corman, King of the B-Movies, who said she had a career if she could do so much with so little. Jones actually turned down an opportunity to edit Spielberg’s “E.T.” (1982) so she could make her directorial debut here. And in true workhorse fashion, rather than trying to mitigate the amount of T&A usually required in a Corman picture, she went all-out and delivered all the goods. In her commentary, she makes mention of how if this is what Corman wanted, then she was going to deliver it in spades. Bless her.

The film benefits from having a woman both at the pen and at the helm, because the relationship between the girls feels genuine. When Diane starts complaining loudly about how lame Valerie is, the other girls on the team don’t immediately chime in and agree with her. In fact, Trish gets downright upset and blasts her for harping on the new girl. It’s refreshing to see a cast full of women who aren’t constantly catty or slutty, but, rather, acting like normal high school girls who hang out and bicker and just want some innocent fun.

The only odd one of the bunch, who isn’t even part of the basketball team, is Valerie’s younger sister, Courtney (Jennifer Meyers). Her character is… unusual. I’m guessing Meyers was older than the role called for, but rather than just accept that and play it straight she acts like a teenager/20-something pretending to be an adolescent. It’s weird.

Kudos to Michael Villella for making Russ Thorn so damn intense as a killer. Thorn prefers the method acting approach, and he made the wise decision to have zero contact with the girls during filming so there would be a disconnect between them. He only got talkative once their characters had been killed. According to the internet, cordless drills became more widespread in the early ‘80s, though I find it hard to believe Thorn could find one so massive that it could run for hours, churning chunks of flesh and bone, without needing a charge. But, man, who can argue that drill isn’t a seriously heavy piece of human wrecking power. Thorn is silent throughout the entire film, right up to the climax, but even then all he mostly says it how “pretty” the remaining girls are.

Humor is present throughout, whether intentional or not. The fact that the film was shot straight, rather than playing these hijinks up, is exactly what lends such a bizarre tonality to the picture. The obvious gags are what bring the levity, though. Like that fridge gag, which took just the right amount of time to deliver the payoff. But my favorite line from the film comes when the girls are crouched over the dead pizza guy’s body and one girl touches him, saying “He’s so cold!” causing another to question, “Is the pizza?”

“The Slumber Party Massacre” is fabulous trash cinema at its best. Nearly every scene is so outrageously over the top one can’t help but feel like they’re part of a joke that may or may not be intentional. Major kudos to Scream Factory for preserving raucous gems like this that are usually best viewed with a large, drunken audience but play just as well at home if you’re into this type of tripe.   

Scorned (2013)

The phrase “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” has been part of the cultural lexicon since the 15^th century. The line is paraphrased from William Congreve’s 1697 play, “The Mourning Bride”, and the full quote is actually “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.” Slightly less well known is “Hell hath no fury like a film reviewer scorned”, in this case that reviewer being me and the scorn having originated from Anchor Bay’s latest DTV endeavor, “Scorned” (2013). If the title wasn’t indication enough that the film you are about to watch is a love story gone awry, then the image of lead actress AnnaLynne McCord holding a knife up to her lips should get the message across. Tales of jilted lovers have been story fodder for ages, usually playing well to… ahem, scorned lovers who want some trashy cinema to vicariously live through at a depressing moment. I can’t think of an occasion more fitting to sit through this waste of 86 minutes than that, but even those who are on the rocks would be better suited to find some real entertainment to kill time. Writer & director Mark Jones’ utterly banal tale of cheating and revenge is so by-the-numbers you’d swear it was written using a Mad Libs for Scripts book.

The film opens with quite possibly the lamest expository dialogue ever seen, with text messages scrawling across a black screen saying “Do U want 2 B inside me?” and “I can’t wait 4 U” or some other juvenile crap like that. I get that they’re setting up the fact someone is cheating, but what grown man actually texts “U” to a person? The picture begins en media res as we see Sadie (AnnaLynne McCord) has drugged her boyfriend Kevin (Billy Zane) and is about to get medieval on his ass after snooping through his phone and finding out he’s been cheating. The film then flashes back a whole 28 hours to quickly establish the BBF4ever relationship between Sadie and her “friend since 2^nd grade” Jennifer (Viva Bianca), which feels about as real as a pair of fake tits. When Sadie and Kevin embark upon a romantic weekend at Kevin’s ultra-modern playboy pad in the woods, she’s convinced he’s going to ask for her hand in marriage. That is, until she peeks through his cell phone and learns Kevin has been banging Jennifer on the side. As the audience, we learn Kevin is a total moron because who doesn’t put a passcode on their phone? Dude… Anyway, she pepper sprays his junk and knocks him out with a log before tying him up and force feeding him pills to keep him docile.

At this point, Sadie decides it’s a good idea to make Jennifer believe she’s left for the weekend so the two of them can get it on behind her back, so she sends her a text from Kevin’s phone inviting her up. She arrives, Sadie incapacitates her, and we then get into a tepid rendition of “Saw”-lite, wherein Sadie tortures the two secret lovers via a variety of household means. The filmmakers may have realized we’ve had literally nothing of substance up to this point, so they throw in the subplot of an escaped convict who just ditched the nearby prison. Cops in this town must be one step away from stupid because this guy is hitchhiking on main roads and yet they can’t seem to find him. This will be somewhat relevant later. But first, back to the “action”. Some flashbacks to her childhood reveal Sadie has always been crazy. In fact, she seems pretty damn nuts even before she goes off her rocker, making me question just how much thinking Kevin’s larger head was doing. You want to nail a crazy chick, roll the dice. But dating one? After making that decision AND leaving his phone unprotected I have zero sympathy for the guy. The punishments go on for some time before Jennifer finally makes an escape after hitting Sadie over the head. An escape that lasts a whopping few minutes since Sadie has the quickest recovery abilities outside of Wolverine and Jennifer is impossibly slow to get away. I’m hesitant to spoil anything – yes, ever for this insipid slice of crap – but needless to say, the film wraps itself up in the worst way possible. It conclusively proves the local police are sharing a single brain, and that Sadie is able to get away with literal murder despite, like, a dozen clear signs she’s psycho.

But, man, is she ever gorgeous. AnnaLynne McCord has been steaming up TVs since her debut on FX’s ran-too-long series “Nip/Tuck” (2003-2010), but some of her best work came from “Excision” (2012). That film was a perversely twisted tale of a girl with serious mental issues who continually fought against her sadistic urges. And she was really solid in the lead. I can’t say she’s delivering bad acting here – because she does play crazy way too convincingly – it’s just the material she’s given is so callow. She gets kudos for managing to elevate it ever-so-slightly. I thought she chose scripts more carefully, which is why I had been expecting “Scorned” to be better than the cover and synopsis would suggest.

The biggest surprise is that this wasn’t written by a novice filmmaker. This picture had “green behind the ears” written all over it, but the man behind the pen and the lens is Mark Jones, a veteran of the business since the ‘80s. The man wrote for “ALF” (1987-1989), but he’s best known to horror fans for writing and directing “Leprechaun” (1993). It’s hard to believe someone who has survived in the business so long turned in such an amateur piece of work. This has the fingerprints of a weary, doing-it-for-the-money director all over it. I get that, people gotta eat, but if you can get a film greenlighted in this town at least try to make it memorable for the right reasons.