New Year's Evil (1980) Blu-ray review

While Joe Six Pack might wait until Halloween to bust out the scary stuff, horror fans only have one time of year they watch fright films: all the time. Not that it ever gets old, but a sporadic way to break up the monotony is through holiday horrors. Odds are pretty good that if a film is set on a major holiday it’ll be getting a yearly viewing from most diehards… even if it’s terrible. This explains how Uncle Sam (1996) winds up in my player every July 4th. Thankfully, New Year’s Evil (1980) is not terrible, even if it is a fairly run-of-the-mill slasher. The film comes across slightly smarter than expected because it incorporates the normal festivities of New Year’s Eve into the plot, turning moments typically of celebration into fear. It also gets another bonus point for a third act reveal that is unexpected (if not a tad cliché) assuming you haven’t checked the cast list on IMDb and ruined it for yourself – which is exactly what I did.

It’s New Year’s Eve! And all the cool kids are celebrating at a taping of Hollywood Hotline, a punk rock & new wave show hosted by Diane “Blaze” Sullivan (Roz Kelly). The show is hosting a late-night countdown, with bands playing on stage and a dozen people standing by to take phone call requests. Diane gets a call from a “fan” who calls himself “Evil” and states that he will murder someone each time the clock strikes midnight in a different time zone, with her to be the final victim. Diane’s security team puts the building on lockdown and keeps her and her son, Derek (Grant Cramer), secured. Meanwhile, victims begin to arrive one per hour as the first stroke of midnight brings with it a nurse’s death. Evil records his crimes and call the show after the deed is done, playing back his promises. It isn’t long before the trail of bodies leads directly to Diane’s dressing room.

This was a fun movie, even for a first time viewer like me who has seen a hundred slashers. Is it original? Absolutely not, but it is very entertaining in a “14-year-old staying up late to watch USA’s “Up All Night” kind of way”. Having the killer strike at midnight works perfectly as a plot device, and it seems like such a natural choice to play up the film’s holiday ties. Perhaps one of the best aspects to the production is the decision to reveal the killer early on. I always find this a creepier approach than the boilerplate “hide in the shadows for 85 minutes” killers in the majority of slasher films. This guy is fairly debonair, too; think of Ted Bundy and you’re on the right track. Even better, he’s got a streak of John “Hannibal” Smith (leader of The A-Team (1983-1987), as played by George Peppard) in him because he shows up at each victim’s location wearing extremely convincing outfits. His third act skirmish with a biker gang (!) is so preposterous and deliciously B-grade cinema. Don’t forget, folks, this is a Cannon Films production – always expect the outrageous and then some.

If there’s one thing to remember the film by, however, it’s the title song; a damn catchy one, too. New Year’s Evil, as performed by Roxanne Seeman and Eduardo del Barrio, spent four days blaring the opening lines in my head before I could get it out. It plays on the Blu-ray’s menu, it opens the film and it may be used one other time; I’m not sure. It’s one of those infectious tunes that are impossible to shake. With all these vinyl companies putting out obscure soundtracks these days, someone please get this on a 7”.



New Year’s Evil is a perfectly decent slasher movie while also being highly enjoyable to watch for the sheer ridiculousness of it all – making it the ideal choice to pop on with a group of wasted friends on its namesake holiday. Or, perhaps, by yourself, Smirnoff Ice in hand, lamenting another year gone by with no social life to show for it. Either way you’re destined for Fun City.

This is the Blu-ray debut for New Year’s Evil, having previously been issued on a burn-on-demand DVD from MGM. The film’s 1.78:1 1080p image appears to have been faithfully reproduced, for better or worse. This is not a good looking film by any means, but it’s about as cleaned up as it needs to be. The print sourced from MGM is in good shape, with the only real anomaly showing up in the form of a yellow vertical line appearing 1/3 of the way across the screen for three shots. It’s a very minor defect. Line work in the shadows tends to fade into a murky mess, and black levels get pretty noisy when it’s really dark. That’s all the bad stuff. On a positive note, closeups reveal nice little details in faces and clothing textures. Colors are nicely saturated. Other than some grain spikes during night scenes, the majority of the appearance is very filmic.

The English DTS-HD MA 2.0 stereo track has exactly one issue with it, a high-pitched ringing that occurs for around ten seconds at approximately 30 minutes into the movie. That aside, this is a typically competent audible offering from Scream Factory. Dialogue is balanced and discernible, songs have a moderate presence and sound effects are given good weight. There could be a bit more oomph to the sourced music, especially that theme song, but this gets the job done just fine. Subtitles are included in English.

The film’s audio commentary features writer & director Emmett Alston, and it’s a bit on the dry side. Code Red’s Bill Olsen is on hand to moderate the proceedings, which delve into typical production speak about location shooting, budgetary concerns, how Alston got hooked up with Cannon, etc. It’s a subdued affair that even serious fans of the film may find boring.

“The Making of New Year’s Evil” is a behind-the-scenes piece that runs for nearly 40 minutes. This is yet another in a series of winning behind-the-scenes pieces from Scream Factory, featuring interviews with many cast & crew members who offer up all sorts of interesting anecdotes and reminisce fondly on their time making the movie. Stick around through the brief credits for a fun scene at the end.

The film’s theatrical trailer is included in HD.

Halloween (1978) 35th anniversary Blu-ray review

It can be argued that Bob Clark kicked off the slasher sub-genre with his 1974 Christmas classic, Black Christmas - and you’d be right - but the real success story to utilize the stalk-and-slash formula was John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978). The film cost a mere $325,000 to produce, yet the record grosses it took in made it the most successful independent film of all-time until The Blair Witch Project (1999) became a hit some 20 years later. To this day it stands as one of the greatest films the genre has to offer, with a legion of fans to back up that assertion. Carpenter utilized all of his finely-tuned skills as a director to create an atmosphere that is palpable, oozing off the screen with ominous presence and the promise of bad things to come. He employs the “less is more” method, preferring to let his characters carry the bulk of the film so that we can become accustomed to them, grow to like them as individuals, and all the while a faceless, blank Shape appears intermittently to remind us danger can be around any corner. Halloween also benefits from receiving one of the most widely-remembered themes in all of cinema, let alone horror. Carpenter, who also composed the film (in addition to producing and writing), laid down a moody, simplistic score that eschews complex arrangements and orchestration, relying entirely on the tones created using piano melodies. This basic approach also worked wonders for Jaws (1975) a few years earlier, a fitting fact considering Michael Myers is the “shark” of this film, methodically staking his prey until striking at the precise moment.

On the extremely-off chance that someone reading this isn’t familiar with the film, a brief summary. It’s Halloween night, 1978, and Michael Myers has escaped from the mental hospital he was committed to fifteen years earlier for murdering his sister. Hot on his trail is Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence), his psychiatrist and the only man who knows what evil lurks behind those eyes. He’s returning to Haddonfield, back to his home, and a young group of girls are about to be reminded that on Halloween night, everyone is entitled to one good scare.

A film can only be as good as its leading characters, and few female trios are as memorable as Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), Lynda (P.J. Soles), and Annie (Nancy Loomis). Carpenter had the good sense to write these high school girls like real people. Horror films are often guilty of exaggerating personalities to make them more distinct, but Halloween gives these girls an authentic voice. Their friendships feel genuine, not like a forced group of friends cobbled together for easy pickings later on. On-screen deaths don’t mean anything if there isn’t a connection with the audience to these characters. Laurie feels like a relatable person. She isn’t the most popular girl in school, nor is she the prettiest. She’s just an average teenager who wants to get good grades and have fun with her friends. Even dating isn’t seen as a high priority to her, although part of that reasoning fits into the “morality play” aspects of most horror films. Laurie is certainly the most “virginal” of her friends, and that’s exactly why she makes it to the end.

I’d be remiss not to mention the late Donald Pleasence, whose role as the Myers-obsessed Dr. Loomis remains one of the great protagonists in horror. The role was originally offered to both Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee (who later said turning it down was a big regret) before going to Pleasence, who at that time was best known as Ernst Stavro Blofeld in You Only Live Twice (1967). His relationship with Myers is almost like that of a father, and he’s desperately trying to retrieve him before more blood is spilled. Loomis manages to remain collected and professional, but there is an aura of frenzied desperation bubbling just under the surface because he knows what Myers is capable of doing. The role came to define his career, for better or worse, and his presence in the sequels injected them with gravitas.

Producer Irwin Yablans told it best to Carpenter that the audience shouldn’t be graphically scared, but rather “it should be what they thought they saw that frightens them.” Taking this ethos quite literally, the film features virtually no bloodshed, and most deaths don’t even involve Myers’ trademark knife. The film took a then little-used technique of assuming the killer’s POV, an effect that greatly amplifies the tension because now the audience can tell where the boogeyman is going to strike from but the actors on the screen are none the wiser. It’s a bit like the “bomb under the table” technique filmmakers like Alfred Hitchcock would employ. It all comes down to setting a mood, and Carpenter’s long, languid shots lull viewers into a false sense of tranquility before snapping them back to reality with Myers appearing at the sound of a stinger in the score. There’s virtually nothing Carpenter can be faulted for here, delivering what is for all intents and purposes a perfect horror film in every regard.

It’s so great, in fact, that fans will gladly (grudgingly?) line up to purchase any and every new edition that is released – leading us to Anchor Bay’s brand-new 35th Anniversary Edition. This time around, we’re treated to a few new supplements, but the real meat in the bag is the new transfer, approved by cinematographer Dean Cundey.

The previous blu-ray edition of Halloween had unauthorized color timing changes made, giving the film a heavily-saturated appearance which essentially negated the intended effect of looking like fall weather. Now, I realize that it can only look so much like fall since it was shot in the spring of 1978 in Pasadena, CA, but this new transfer claims to be more in line with the aesthetic Carpenter and Cundey were aiming for. Everything looks cooler and crisper this time around, with a steely/grey tone given to the picture. It feels more like the Halloween season. This change has also benefited the film’s fine details, which now look more apparent than ever. Faces and lines are more sharply defined, resulting in an image that should win over anyone on the fence about buying the film again. The prior blu-ray looked like a film shot during spring. The grass was so green it was practically bleeding off the soil. And skin tones looked much hotter there than this new edition, where faces have a softer, more neutral balance. I can’t say I minded the blue push given to some of the night scenes, as it did give the film a more ghostly atmosphere. But it’s hard to argue when Dean Cundey himself is behind the controls, and this is by far the best presentation we’ve seen yet. I did a direct A-B comparison, switching back and forth between the two discs, and the results here are startlingly impressive. If you’re a purist who wants the most accurate presentation possible for films you love, this is a no-brainer for the image alone.

On the audio side of things, this disc gets a major boost by receiving a lossless English Dolby TrueHD 7.1 surround sound track that, quite simply, murders the previous disc’s PCM track. As soon as the film begins, there is an immediately noticeable difference in the range allotted to the score, with Carpenter’s deep synth tones reverberating through your system. Dialogue levels register at a higher level, giving them a fullness that was lost in previous editions. The expanded dynamics provide more impact to musical stingers. Music is of major importance to this film, inexorably so, and the richness provided by this track provides an immersive experience fans could have only gotten in a theater before. Rear supports carry a lot of ambiance with them, filling out the sound field with elements of rain storms, trick-or-treaters, and screams that were previously lessened in their effectiveness. The original mono track is also included, though it shows clear limitations when stacked up against this new multi-channel affair. Simply put, it’s the best the film has ever sounded.

The supplemental department is a mixed bag on this new release, with a two new features hosted alongside some re-purposed extras. First up is a new audio commentary with writer/director John Carpenter and actress Jamie Lee Curtis. I’ll admit I’m not the biggest fan of re-recorded commentaries since, especially for a film like Halloween, it’s been dissected a million times already. But I really liked this track. Not only because I could listen to Carpenter - now a little older, wiser, and slightly weary – talk about his days of yore endlessly, but because Curtis seems to have this new-found exuberance for her days as a scream queen. These two converse like a couple of close, old friends, holding nothing back and speaking candidly about working together, the ensuing years that have passed since, and much more. It’s great to hear Curtis show some real excitement. She controls most of the track, while Carpenter sort of sits back and gives her the reins while offering up his own thoughts on the picture all these years later. The Night She Came Home is an all-new documentary on Jamie Lee Curtis’ one and only convention appearance, at the HorrorHound weekend show in November 2012. Curtis admits right up front that she has essentially chosen to ignore her horror fan base since it’s not really her thing and she no longer identifies with that genre. But now she’s back to monetize her fandom by signing items at this show and donating her earnings to the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. Accompanied by the ubiquitous Sean Clark, Curtis spends hours each day talking to fans, cracking jokes, and reminiscing about her horror days. She’s open and candid, holding nothing back while she squeezes every last drop out of this, her one-time gift to fans all over the world. You’d think it could get boring watching Jamie sign posters and gab with fans for an hour, but this doc breezes right by with no lag. On Location: 25 Years Later is an old featurette that appeared on one of the previous DVD releases done by Anchor Bay. Running for just over 10 minutes, the piece looks at some of the key locations alongside interviews with a few cast & crew members. TV Version Footage collects all of the scene Carpenter shot to pad out the network premiere of the film, some of which add important details to the mythos. Of course, it would have been better if they saw fit to include the TV Version on this disc. Wrapping things up are a handful of trailers, TV spots, and radio spots.

Another selling point of this disc is the DigiBook packaging. The profile is very slim, with the interior containing a 20-page booklet featuring production photos and essays. The disc itself is contained inside a paper sleeve, which has been glued to the last page. It’s a cheap design, and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear many fans hate it. The cover art admittedly did little for me when glimpsed online, however, in person the minimalist artwork does look a little more impressive. The cover is also slightly embossed, giving it a bit of texture, too. And, hey, if you don’t like you can just hold off and buy the 40th anniversary edition that is no doubt forthcoming. Like me, I’m sure all of you are sick to death of re-buying your favorite classics again and again and again. This release stands as the definitive representation of Halloween from an audio and video standpoint, but the clear omission of numerous bonus features means that, at the least, you’ll have to hang on to all the old copies piled up on your shelf.

Psycho III (1986) Blu-ray review

After Psycho II (1983) wound up being a surprise hit with audiences and (most) critics alike, it was inevitable that Universal would want another go-round with Norman and Mother. This time, however, Norman Bates would be in front of the camera as well as behind it, with Anthony Perkins tackling double duty. While that might seem like a curious decision given the fact that Perkins had never directed anything before, you’ve got to remember any sequels were going to place the onus on Norman to carry the film anyway, so who better to control his direction than the man so inexorably linked to him. The answer, some could argue, would be someone else since Psycho III (1986) is the most divisive entry in the series, garnering a lower rating on IMDb than the made-for-cable sequel/prequel, Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990). It isn’t a bad film by any means; it’s just a bizarre one. Perkins’ film is populated by a suicidal ex-nun, a lowly drifter with a penchant for extortion, an unethical reporter digging up stories on Norman, and Perkins himself delivering a performance that occasionally borders on someone parodying the mannerisms of Bates. New, questionable elements aside, the film does tie in well enough to Psycho II that this sequel doesn’t feel quite so out of place. If there’s a fault to be found, it’s that the film has a bit of an identity crisis, unsure of whether to pander to younger audiences looking for boobs and blood, or an older audience hoping to see more of the faux-humanity Norman has been perfecting during his time away from the mental institution. It settles for more of the former (which is totally fine), and I have to admit that despite the diminishing returns coming off of the last film, Psycho III has a vibe to it that manages to mostly work to its benefit.

This entry picks up a little over a month after the events of II, with Norman still running the motel all by his lonesome. It’s established early on that he’s still certifiable - latently by showing him scoop peanut butter with the same spoon he uses for taxidermy stuffing, manifestly by showcasing “Mother” (the dispatched-via-shovel-to-the-head Ms. Spool, who claimed to be Norman’s real mother) stuffed, propped up in the window, and chattering Norman’s ear off constantly. The motel gets a dose of energy when Duane Duke (Jeff Fahey) arrives, hot off the road to Los Angeles and looking to score a few quick bucks to repair the brakes for the final stretch. Norman offers him the assistant manager’s position and allows him to sleep in one of the rooms. Soon after Duke’s arrival, Maureen Coyle (Diana Scarwid) enters the picture, immediately grabbing Norman’s attention with her short blonde hair and a monogrammed suitcase bearing her initials, “M.C.”, which reminds Norman of Marion Crane. Like Norman, she’s also a troubled soul, trying to find her way in life after leaving a convent. Sensing this, he takes her in at the motel where the two have an awkward, budding romance which ultimately fizzles out when Maureen learns of Norman’s violent past. It seems an unethical reporter named Tracy (Roberta Maxwell) has been asking questions all around town, trying to uncover the mystery of Emma Spool’s disappearance. Norman appears clean to the townsfolk, but Duke discovers the truth about “Mother”, threatening to expose Norman’s secrets to everyone unless he pays up. But there’s only one way Norman knows how to deal with problems…

Produced during a horror boon in the mid-80s, Psycho III feels less like the methodically-paced entries that came before it and more like a fairly standard horror picture. More effort seems to have gone into pumping up the film’s quotient of nudity and violence than anything else. Again, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; the atmosphere and production values make it aesthetically akin to what Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers were doing at the time. We know who the “villain” is, we know he’s crazy, and we’re here to watch him slice people up with a large kitchen knife. The film takes the obvious route of finally populating the motel with some unsavory guests so that Norman has plenty of moments to do “Mother”’s bidding, much to gore fan’s delight. Oddly enough, the original idea screenwriter Charles Edward Pogue came up with was to reveal that Duke was the killer, taking a page out of Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning’s playbook. Thankfully, Universal shot that notion down. While that could have added an interesting dynamic, the fact is that the last film established Norman had slipped back into insanity. Making someone else the killer wouldn’t be bought so easily.

This entry is the first to spend a lot of time with “Mother” and Norman, since the prior films never really showed them communicating in the same room. “Mother”’s withered husk appearance looks like something Leatherface would’ve stitched together. Here, it comes courtesy of legendary make-up FX artist Michael Westmore, who also provided all of the film’s practical effects work. I can’t say that any of the deaths here rival the sheer brutality of Psycho II, but they are certainly bloodier. And bloody isn’t always a better thing - clearly the case here since the impact of these deaths never felt as shocking as the relatively-bloodless deaths in the last film. Westmore’s effects work is nothing but top notch, though, and his expertise with crafting ultra-realistic work does add an extra element of realism to Norman’s handiwork.

Jeff Fahey almost steals the picture as Duke. He’s one of those guys that get by with a charming look and a shot of charisma, but underneath it all he’s just another selfish scumbag that uses people for his own gain. His sex scene with a local skank is particularly memorable, with Fahey – in the buck – playing with a couple lamps strategically positioned over his crotch while his lady friend gyrates in front of a wall covered in porn clippings. He’s all sweet talk and fun… until he finishes and becomes a nightmare pump-and-dump-er, flinging his “date” out of the room ass naked. Duke was one of Fahey’s earliest roles and he nails it. Even though he’s never much of a foil for Norman simply because he’s too stupid, he possesses an awful sense of hubris that runs counter to Norman’s congenial disposition. They make good enemies.

Psycho III can’t live up to the original, not by a long shot. Personally, I don’t think it can even live up to II. But I don’t think it needed to. Perkins does go a little overboard on connecting-the-dots back to Psycho, but this film manages to stand on its own as a unique entry. The story has a few hiccups in an otherwise well-plotted tale, and Perkins seems so comfortable back in Norman’s skin that just watching him vacillate between reluctance and malevolence is entertaining enough. Even though the love angle with Scarwid never amounts to a whole lot, it does allow us to see a more humane side of Norman that few get to witness. Oh, man, and I didn’t even mention the bizarre score featuring Southwestern acoustic tones, tribal sounds, and the kind of jazzy sax music you expect from a ‘80s action movie produced by Joel Silver. This movie deserves a little more love than it’s gotten over the years - and who else but Scream Factory would come along to deliver the goods?

I’d have to rank the picture here a notch below the previous film. Once the typically-poor optical credits are out of the way, the rest of the picture still retains a layer of grain that is moderately thick, not that it ever obfuscates the image in any way. A great deal of this entry was shot in low-lighting conditions, and the shadows swallow up a lot of the finer details. Black levels have a bit of crush to them, though they do manage to hold up pretty well for the most part. Daylight scenes exhibit greater strength across the board, allowing colors to pop a bit and giving faces some better details. While this isn’t as impressive looking as Psycho II, it’s still an appreciable upgrade over the DVD edition in every way. As with the last film, the audio here comes in the form of English DTS-HD MA tracks in both 5.1 and 2.0 stereo. The multi-channel mix is the clear winner here, even though the range could have been a little greater. There’s a rain storm during the film and the rear speakers never appear to take advantage by pulling some of the falling rain sounds into the field. Carter Burwell’s score has good fidelity, and the effects cues have a nice punch. If you need them, the disc comes with English subtitles.

In the special features department, Psycho III is stacked more than the last film. Starting things off is an audio commentary with screenwriter Charles Edward Pogue, moderated by Red Shirt Pictures’ Michael Felscher. This track is very interesting because, although Pogue wrote the film, many of his original intentions were cast aside once production started. His idea was to ignore the events of Psycho II (he hated the Mrs. Spool plot, which I tend to agree with) and make something more akin to the original film. While that didn’t happen, Pogue has a lot to say about the film and its characters. Watch the Guitar is a 17-minute interview with star Jeff Fahey that covers his excitement at working on such a storied series, as well as how great it was to work with Perkins as a director. As you’ll hear in all of these interviews, everyone agrees that even though he might have been in a little over his head, Perkins was a thoughtful, caring director. Patsy’s Last Night is an interview with actress Katt Shea, who was memorably dispatched mid-toilet break. Her role isn’t all that big, but she’s got plenty to say about it in this 8-minute segment. Mother’s Maker is a fascinating interview with FX guru Michael Westmore, who talks in depth about his processes for creating the film’s grisly effects work. I thought it was cool that he said Perkins specifically asked for only old-school Universal artists to work on this picture. Body Double is a brief, candid chat with B-movie actress Brinke Stevens. She acknowledges her mid-level career, stating that after doing one Corman slasher she became typecast for life. Here, she doubles for Diana Scarwid during a scene when Norman watches her undress. Apparently, her background as a dancer made her moves so erotic that Perkins had to ask her to be more abrupt and awkward with her undressing. A couple of trailers are also included, and there’s a still gallery of mostly publicity shots that runs for a little over 8 minutes.

Psycho III seems have as many detractors as it does fans. It’s commendable that Perkins tried to do something different with this entry, further expanding the tiny world of Bates by giving him some unique personalities to interact with. Jeff Fahey is truly memorable in his role as Duke, but the other newly-introduced characters don’t work as well. Maureen isn’t much of a love interest, and she doesn’t have much more to offer aside from being another tortured soul. And the less said about the reporter angle, the better. But the film works in spite of some clear shortcomings, making it a worthy addition to the series nonetheless.

X-Ray (1982)/Schizoid (1980) Blu-ray review

Of all the sub-genres that exist within horror, slashers have traditionally been a fan favorite. Though the subgenre (arguably) kicked off with 1974’s Black Christmas, it didn’t gain traction in cinemas until films like Halloween (1978) and Friday the 13th (1980) became major hits. And so began a “golden age” of sorts for the slasher film, which lasted right up until the mid-‘80s. For all the icons these films have produced, however, there have been countless others that have fallen by the wayside over the years. Shout! Factory has paired up two of them (likely since neither title would sell enough on its own to justify a release) – 1982’s X-Ray, and 1980’s Schizoid – in a fun, delightfully gory little package that should at least have minor appeal to fans of gloriously cheesy ‘80s stalk-and-slash fare.

Barbi Benton was quite the busy, busty Playmate in the ‘70s. Primarily known for her television work, X-Ray was one of only a handful of films she starred in during her career. Here she plays Susan Jeremy, a woman who visits her local hospital for a routine checkup required for a new job. But someone in the hospital has other plans for Susan! A someone who, 19 years earlier, she had scorned when he professed his unrequited love for her. He also killed a fellow child at the time, but apparently the police were really bad at their jobs back then, so he was never caught. Anyway, Susan’s results are faked to show she has a serious illness, leading another physician to strongly recommend she stay the night for further tests. As expected, the killer stalks the hallways of the most abandoned hospital seen on film since Halloween II (1981), brutally killing nurses, patients, and doctors alike with some nasty surgical implements.

Firstly, I have another titling issue with another Shout! release. X-Ray is technically the title of the heavily-cut version of the film, which runs around 77 minutes. This fully uncut version should really be titled Hospital Massacre, which is how it’s recognized on IMDB and Wikipedia. Or if Shout! wanted to get all kinds of crazy, they could’ve gone with the original pre-release title of Be My Valentine, or Else…, which is superior to the first title it had, Ward 13. Whew! So, just in case anyone who actually remembers all of that was concerned, this is indeed the full uncut version, just released under the cut name. Capiche?

Although it would be easy to objectively call the film a bit of a slog to get through, the fact is that it embodies much of what slasher fans love. The threadbare plot exists only to further the murderous rampage of Harold, whose identity is concealed well enough that his reveal is a minor surprise. Every doctor employed here acts like a creep, and every nurse treats Susan like a mental patient who missed her morning dose of pills. Among the small cast of characters is a hospital drunk – a clear red herring – who stumbles around with bottle in hand, while nurses shrug off his antics and remind him to return to his room. Everyone is so indifferent to her claims that I half expected them to reveal everyone was in on the plot to kill her.

The kills here are fairly nasty, with Harold making use of the many hospital tools at his disposal. And his victims make it really easy, too. Seriously, it seems like no one makes any kind of effort to, I don’t know, just turn and run. Most just stand there, apparently so consumed with fear that they’re unable to move. One guy is attacked with a corded surgical saw; a death that could have been avoided if he simply walked another foot or two away so the cord wouldn’t reach. But, again, this is the kind of nonsensical, nasty murdering fans should be expecting here. The film doesn’t skimp on the red stuff, ensuring that everyone’s demise is met with a crimson wave. Hell, Harold even manages to one-up My Bloody Valentine’s Harry Warden with his own take on a wrapped box of chocolates.

What would a slasher be without some gratuitous T&A? Fear not. Benton was a former Playmate, after all. And one of her strange, lecherous doctors is more than willing to insist she strip down for an uncomfortably scintillating exam. Director Boaz Davidson mentions there was a full crew on set that day, and when Benton’s ample assets are pored over it’s easy to see why. X-Ray might not be a great film, or even good by some standards, but as a de facto slasher it’s got enough going for it to satisfy fans yearning for lesser-known ‘80s sleaze.

Schizoid, on the other hand, moves at a positively glacial pace. This 1980 turkey is paired up with a slasher, but in reality this film plays more like a giallo. Killer wears black gloves (nice nod to Argento)? Check. Red herrings a-plenty? Check. Overly-complicated plot? Sadly, no. This one is mostly mundane. Klaus Kinski – don’t get too excited, he isn’t playing crazy here – is Dr. Fales, a therapist who oversees a group of patients. One by one, the members of the group are being killed. Julie (Marianna Hill), a member of the group, has been receiving threatening letters at her office, where she works as an advice columnist for the local paper. What follows is a slow game of stalk-and-kill, and Julie has to figure out who’s behind it all before she’s next! It could be almost any member of the male cast. Maybe it is Dr. Fales, who despite being a trollish slug of a man beds every nubile female in his group. Or, perhaps Gilbert (a young, mustachioed Christopher Lloyd), the maintenance man who constantly stares at everyone in silent, creepy ways. No? How about Doug (Craig Wassom), Julie’s ex-husband who is clearly still infatuated with her? Oh, wait, I know, it’s got to be Dr. Fales daughter, Alison (Donna Wilkes). You know the one who remains mute for almost half of the movie before spending the second half pitching major fits at the dinner table and brandishing firearms. Maybe in some strange twist Julie is actually sending herself the lette- nah, that’s probably not it.

Despite the undeniable ennui that set in once this film got going, I can’t really say I totally disliked it. This is the kind of shit I grew up with, and despite having never seen this film before I could still appreciate it for what it tries to do. It’s almost laughable how many people are suspects in the cast. Literally half of the main players could be the killer, which is de rigueur for any giallo. And we’ve got quite a cast, too. Kinski is always great fun to watch, but here he’s just a weird old sexual deviant with a therapy practice; he’s not chewing scenery and crapping thunder like the days of old. Donna Wilkes seriously speaks two words in the first 45 minutes, then in the last half of the film she goes right off the rails. She’s also wears some bizarre, noir-ish outfit for the climax. Craig Wassom should be familiar to horror fans as Dr. Neil Gordon from A Nightmare on Elm St. 3: The Dream Warriors (1987). The film also features a young Christopher Lloyd, who looks very different with dark hair and a mustache. This was one of his earliest film credits, though he was already an established name thanks to his work on Taxi (1978-1983). Finally, the great Richard Herd is teamed up with Joe Regalbuto as a couple of cops who are actively investigating the case. This film could have easily fallen completely apart with a lesser cast, but everyone here turns in a good enough performance that the material is elevated.

The ending blows, though. It’s totally weak. I won’t spoil anything except to say that people seem to die in this movie very quickly from what would normally be minor and/or non-life threatening wounds. This is usually the norm for films of this ilk (we’re still years away from torture porn), but it totally kills any impact the finale might have had.

X-Ray sports a widescreen image that generally looks free of debris and damage, though grain is a bit on the thick side - on occasion it borders on noise, but aesthetics such as this tend to lend themselves well to old-school horror. Some scenes have a hazy appearance, almost like there was a little bit of smoke pumped on to the set. Black levels are anemic for the most part, usually never looking consistent or even totally dark. Colors are mostly good, however, and Barbi Benton’s lips look shinier than a freshly waxed car. The DTS-HD MA stereo track gets the job done with a soundtrack that sounds like a cross between Harry Manfredini’s cues for Friday the 13th (1980) and Goldsmith’s work on The Omen (1976). Dialogue sounds clear and is free of any hisses, pops, or crackling.

Schizoid looks a bit better, with far less grain (though it is still very much present) and a nice color palette. Fine details are slightly more apparent than they were on X-Ray, although I wouldn’t call this a sharp image by any means. Closeups do exhibit an appreciable amount of detail, though. Black levels are more rich and consistent here, too. Audio-wise this is no better than the first half of this double bill, but I will say that I dug the synth-heavy, funky electronic score here more than X-Ray’s derivative tones. Neither disc includes subtitles.

There’s one lone bonus feature on and that’s a 12 minute interview with director Boaz Davidson. The Israeli director (who also helmed The Last American Virgin, also released in ’82) talks about how this was not his typical kind of film, but he couldn’t turn down his hometown producers of Golan & Globus when they asked. He also speaks very highly of Benton’s work, especially her lengthy nude scene. Schizoid doesn’t get much more, as it contains an interview as well – this a 10 minute conversation with actress Donna Wilkes – and the film’s theatrical trailer. The interview is candid, with Wilkes discussing the most pertinent of topics: how big of a perv was Kinski on set. Answer: she got along with him fine, but he was not especially liked the virtually every other female on the crew. This set also includes a DVD copy containing both films and their respective bonus features.

Separately, they’re mediocre. But together, Shout! has provided a package worthy of any horror fan’s collection. Just the pedigree of both films having been released under the Cannon Films label and featuring production by the legendary Israel duo of Golan/Globus should be enough to convince people this is worth a spot on their shelf.